Finding me.

I love being a mom. I love being a wife. But I feel like that's all I am. 

Where is the 'me' I was before I was either of those? 

I was so self confident, loud, obnoxious, the life of the party. I was friends with everyone. I had enough energy to go out every weekend. 

Hell, I had enough energy to go out for dinner... 

How did I get so frumpy and boring?

I feel like I have not yet found my real self. I don't thoroughly enjoy doing 1 single thing. I really haven't found much of anything that I enjoy so much that I consider it a hobby.

I feel like, aside from raising my daughter, I am doing nothing for myself. 

I am bored. With life. 

I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT TO DO.


Like I said, I love being a mom. But I know I can be so much more. I just don't know what.

I am stuck in a massive rut and I don't know how to get out.

When any of you figure out how to find yourself, please let me know your secret.




I'm dying here. Of normalcy.

Dear God;

Please grant me the strength to parent alone for the next few months. Please allow me to remain calm, even in the wee hours of the night when I get most frustrated. Please help me to soothe my hurting daughter when she is missing her daddy. Help me to be a peaceful parent that listens to her frustrations and helps her instead of letting her figure it out alone, as if she could. Allow me to be her safe haven. Allow me to be strong for the two of us so my husband has no worries. Please keep my husband safe and sound. Please grant him inner peace and the ability to remain calm in situations he may not enjoy. Thank you for everything you do. 

Amen. 

I don't like the way you parent.

An article about thinking and not speaking. 

Speaking gets you in trouble... hell, thinking gets you in trouble. I should know. I am a PRO at trouble!

Before you become a parent, you are bombarded with unsolicited advice and what others think you should and shouldn't do to/with your child. It is up to you how you choose to react to these things. With that being said, I am one of those crazies who posts all over my facebook wall about my parental beliefs and have VERY strong opinions. For the most part, I do not take into consideration what anyone else thinks. Something I told a friend of mine today..

'I think I'm right and you think you're right.. but I have been out to prove that my right is righter than your right' 

I am DYING to change that attitude. And, I am getting a bit better. But, I have lost SO many friends due to my strong opinions. I expect people to just like me for who I am. Brutal opinions and all! I mean, that is ideal, isn't it? It would be so easy if the world just worked out that way. 

Sadly it doesn't. People expect you to tone it down and you expect them to change their minds. I've learned from a few good friends that as you age, you become a lot better at keeping your opinions to yourself. 

Let me put it to you this way; 

I don't give a s4!t how you parent. I don't. I guess its just my argumentative side. I'm FAR from proud of it. 

I love people. I love having friends. I am learning to keep my mouth shut. I am LEARNING. It won't happen overnight. 

To my future friends; 

bare with me. Sometimes I suck. I am learning. 

I will say I'm sorry often. I am learning.

If you're not willing to put up with me and my personality, that's okay. I respect that. 

Just please remember... even people like me need friends. We just need to learn to adjust our attitudes. I will always have an opinion, and I may even tell you my opinion.. but, I am learning to deliver my opinions in a more respectful, less brutal manner. 

To all of you who choose to stay; thank you. I appreciate you for helping me to learn how to speak and react to certain things. 

"Love is patient, love is kind"

xox

This outfit is so 'Merican

So I just received Paisley's 4th of July outfit in the mail, made by MissMacHandmade on Etsy... the following photo speaks for itself... 

They say a picture is worth a thousand words... but this picture only needs one word

'Merica.

MissMacHandmade makes clothes, totes, burp cloths, jewelry... the girl does it all! 

If ANYONE is looking for a 4th of July outfit for their little, please consider MissMacHandmade on Etsy. 

This outfit can be made for sizes Newborn - 5T! 

Just another photo for your viewing pleasure! 

No but really. Cutest 'Merican outfit ever. 

https://www.etsy.com/shop/MissMacHandmade?ref=shopsection_shophome_leftnav

xox ;)

Baby Buttons Review!

I love Baby Buttons and all of their products! 

They have the CUTEST knit booties EVER!

(Link to view or purchase at the bottom!)

The shop owner, Leah, is located in the UK. She is so so sweet and is so talented! 

^^ I mean, seriously?! 

If I had gotten every single stinkin' pair of these for my baby shower I would have squeeeeeled! 

I put Paisley in her best winter gear so she could sport her booties and hat. Turned out pretty adorable! 

She LOVES her Baby Buttons gear <3 

She also makes amazing knit blankets, they are so perfect! 

All of her items make the PERFECT baby shower gift! She makes sets for boys and girls! 

Beautiful knit blanket!

If you want to purchase some of her knit sets or any of her other products visit her Etsy or Facebook page*!

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Baby-Buttons/222677954549683

Etsy: http://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/BabyButtonsShop?ref=l2-shopheader-name

*Leah holds special offers and discounts on her Facebook page! "Like" to get in on the action!

xox

My birth story!

While I was pregnant, I had EVERYTHING planned out.

How I would parent, how I would refuse medication during birth, how I would NEVER have a c-section, because its unnecessary… Everyone told me ‘you keep on planning, but just wait, everything will change...’ It made me angry. No one believed me. So my mindset was that of ‘I’m gonna show YOU!’

Ha!

November 17, 2013: 1 week until my due date. I was so excited, so scared, so nervous! My husband had finally come home from his deployment, just in time to welcome his baby girl! My family would all be here any day now, hopefully she would arrive while they’re here! I was still very adamant about a med-free vaginal birth. I made my birth plan and packed my hospital bag. I was all ready!

The night I picked my husband up from the airport after not seeing him for 4 months!

November 23, 2013: 1 day until my due date. My family had arrived in time for my due date AND Thanksgiving! I was thrilled! I couldn’t wait for Paisley to make her appearance and my whole family be around to see her! I was getting anxious, but I still wanted that med-free birth.

On the beach outside of my families condo! The day before my due date! 

November 24, 2013: My due date. I tried EVERYTHING to try and get this little girl to come out! I mean, EVERYTHING! My family, who traveled from Ohio to visit, was leaving in a couple days. I really wanted them to be around when I had Pai. The likelihood of that seemed small.

November 28, 2013: 4 days after my due date and its Thanksgiving. My family will be leaving in 2 days and still no sign of Paisley. My doctor said I was completely unfavorable. 1 cm dilated, 0% effaced. The thought of induction sounded REALLY great at that moment, even though I SWORE I would NEVER do it. At this appointment, my doctor said that if I have not gone into labor by my next appointment, he would induce me.

My husband and I on Thanksgiving. 4 days overdue!

December 3, 2013: Induction day. Yes, I chose the induction. I strayed from my plan. I proved everyone right. At the time, I just wanted her out. I was tired of being pregnant. I never once felt contractions. I was still completely closed. They started me on cervadil at 5pm and let it sit overnight.

December 4, 2013:

6AM My doctor came in to check me after the cervadil. Still completely closed. He tried to break my water, but my cervix was too high up. So they started me on pitocin (logic?)

After 11 hours on pitocin,still completely closed. So I told my doctor just to schedule my c-section. I knew where this was headed.

5:26 PM, I birthed a beautiful baby girl via c-section. 7lbs 20.5 inches.

 

A huge part of me wishes I had just waited until she came naturally, but I realized having a c-section doesn’t make you less of a mother. Just like having a vaginal birth doesn’t make you more of a mother.

After my c-section I was loopy from the drugs and I didn’t even see my daughter or my husband for at least 2 hours after the surgery. I was able to breastfeed when she came in, with the help of a nipple shield but I didn't feel any special bond. I loved her immediately and she was beautiful, but it was a hot mess.

 It truly didn’t matter how she came, though, only that she did; And honestly, I’d do it all over again, for her.

xox

Baby Face Boutique Review with 20% off coupon! (Code and link at the bottom!)

Babyface Boutique is a shop on Instagram run by Caylee Williams.

She's sweet as candy and has amazing clothes and patterns!

Hashtag Swagforbabies!

Let me start off with the fact that she makes infinity scarves... FOR INFANTS! Paisley has 2 of them so far, and I hope to get more! 

Paisley rocking her infinity scarf and matching pants!

She has a ridiculous amount of patterns! She makes scarves with matching pants, skirts and harem pants; she also makes stylish bibs called Bibdanas with matching pants! The fabrics are so soft and Paisley loves to wear them! 

Here's a few examples of her fabulous work! 

Omg are these two outfits not the most adorable???? 

<--Left: Skirt with matching headband!

Right: Pants with matching Bibdana!-->

She also has loads of headbands that match the outfits AND she has adorable beanies! 

Paisley with her scarf and beanie!

Some of the beanie patterns! Paisley has the pink with bows!!

Here is some of her Bibdana patterns! How cool are these? 

You've GOT to go check out her shop on IG @babyfaceboutique! 

She is offering a 20% discount on orders using the code APL2014 through paypal! 

You need these in your life! 

xox